Top 10 relationship enemies
It's no use looking for a magic formula to make your relationship work. On the other hand, you can avoid certain traps, which, in the long run, can weaken the bonds that tie you together.
Here's a short guide to the bad habits that you must avoid at all costs! An Identikit picture of 10 of the major relationship enemies...
Television is a passion-killer, make no mistake! You must ban eating dinner in front of the 6 o'clock news. Having your tea every evening with Fiona Bruce in the room does not help you get close to one another...And then if you keep going straight to bed after you've watched the film, you're not even spending time talking to each other or caring for each other. There's only one thing to do: it's killing off your love-life so throw it away! A less-radical option is to agree to switch it off 4 evenings a week.
Whether it's because the telly's there or not, you don't go out anymore! What? Has that lovely little restaurant you used to like so much closed down? And what about when you used to go to the cinema and then had a heated argument about the film afterwards? Now, you only get out once a month and then it's only to go round to see some friends or possibly have people over. The two of you don't go out anymore or spend romantic evenings together! You must get back the magic feeling of escaping somewhere together! Since you've just thrown away your telly, you can use the money you've saved on the licence fee!
Stop staying late at work! Not only do you have no time left for yourself, but you're also tired and cranky which frankly your partner could do without! If work has completely taken over your life, it quickly becomes the only thing you talk about...Stop! Begin by cutting your working week to 35 hours (not one hour more)! Try to get home early enough to have a bit of time before dinner...but don't use it to collapse in front of the telly! And most of all, forget about work from time to time to give your partner more attention.
4. The bathroom door
Just because you're in a relationship and you've known each other for years, it doesn't mean you can let yourself go! Stop sloping around in tracksuits with your hair in a mess...and stop leaving your things all over the house. Look after yourself! Of course your partner loves you for who you are, but why not make an effort to make the best of yourself? That way you'll show them that they are important to you, and so is what they think of you!
5. Lack of attention
One of the great enemies of a relationship is lack of attention. And here it's not a case of giving flowers or small gifts, but simply looking at your partner or commenting when he or she has been to the hairdresser's or bought a new jacket. Above all, always say when you think they look stylish or if they've said something really apt that's impressed you. For it's always nice to get compliments...but only if they're meant!
6. Extreme jealousy
Stop watching them closely or asking them questions all the time. For the basis of a relationship is trust in one another. If you keep on suspecting them, you'll end up wearing your partner down and pushing them into someone else's arms! Read more about this in our article: Jealous? Me?
Sex is important in a couple's relationship. Although it's normal for things to quieten down in time, this shouldn't become the rule! For you must keep a hold on fantasy and imagination! Put aside time to be close and choose different places and positions...To reignite your passion or find out advice from the Kama-Sutra, refer to our column on Sexuality.
8. The in-laws
No, of course not all in-laws are like those dreadful ones in some films. Often a partner and their parents-in-law are on good terms with each other. But the main thing is knowing when you shouldn't insist or realising that your partner's getting a bit fed up. Don't make them go to Sunday lunch every week if you think they're beginning to have enough of it. And of course this rule also applies when you go out with workmates or meet up with old university friends...
9. No plans
Being a couple is not just about facing everyday life without thinking about tomorrow. You have to build together. From short-term plans, like where to go on holiday or buying a car, to more ambitious plans, such as having children or moving to the country, always reflect on your future and how you picture it unfolding. This will bring you closer together and you'll want to move forward...together!
A relationship can be damaged for sure if there is no dialogue. Of course it often stems from a lack of time or attention linked to different causes already mentioned. However, it's often the case that you do talk, but you don't listen to each other's opinion...In this case, it's up to you both to work on talking calmly with each other and making an effort to really try to understand what the other person means. If need be, get some help from a therapist.
Copyright © 2010 Doctissimo
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