Accept your partner for who they are

Although love is a wonderful feeling, life as a couple isn't always a bundle of laughs! Between the friction and misunderstandings, you could ask yourself if men and women are meant to live together!

But what if the key to happiness was stopping wanting to change the other person at all costs and accepting them as they are?

In less than half a century, male and female roles have changed considerably. Men and women tend to be more and more alike in many aspects and their differences have been smoothed away. Yet, according to John Gray, author of the book "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus", this is the main reason why couples" relationships are failing these days.

So it would be much better to accept the other person for who they are rather than wanting to make them change at all costs. For the couple to "go the distance", that this has to happen. So, perhaps you should seriously consider a stop to expecting the impossible and a start to accepting your partner for who they are!

Alien to each other...

For John Gray, the difference between men and women is as radical as if they came from two planets millions of miles apart: they communicate, act, feel, think and love in completely different ways. Men favour efficiency, success, independence, power and are more interested in aims and results that in relationships and people. What counts for women is communication, feelings, self-sacrifice and intimacy.

Emotional needs based on different things

Relying on his 20 years of experience in relationship therapy, John Gray has therefore drawn up a list of men and women's emotional priorities in a romantic relationship. In other words, he has defined what they absolutely need to feel loved and fulfilled in their relationship. According to him, above all women expect to be listened to, understood and respected, and they expect to have their partner's attention, affection, recognition and acceptance of their feelings (and their changing moods too). As for men, above all they ask for admiration, approval and trust, and to be liked for who they are (with no-one trying to change them).

It goes without saying that with differences like these, there are countless misunderstandings and arguments. Disagreements are inevitable if each person expects the other one to be interested in the same things as they are and behave in the relationship like they do!

Growing together...

Realising that we are radically different and taking into account each other's needs are therefore the first steps to take to give your relationship a chance. By understanding and accepting your partner, you stop the build-up of frustration, resentment and disappointment over what you expect and what doesn't happen (or not as you'd like it to). What's more, a better understanding makes you able to give your partner what they really need.

The couple can only move forward once they've reached a mutual understanding. Men and women are then ready to grow together and make the small concessions that are so vital to the development of a satisfying relationship, one that is sound enough to weather the storms.

So it's up to you to show that you're open, tolerant and respectful... These qualities will be useful in your relationship, but also in your life in general!

Dominique Pir

Posted 30.06.2010

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See more in the dossier: Keeping love alive