What lurks behind a mid-life crisis?

What’s behind a mid-life crisis? When he marries the baby-sitter, or she falls for her son’s best friend, is it an exciting new chapter in their lives or merely an “identity crisis”?

Mid-life identity crisis

With the onset of middle age, many men and woman get bored at home and start to the find their lives are all about mundane routine. With the children growing up, can come the inevitable nostalgia for lost youth. Those last minute romantic weekends are perhaps a distant memory, sensual sex whenever and wherever no longer a part of your couple’s existence. Daily routines are set, habits formed and partners tire a little with age…

Are all men destined to fall prey to the mid-life crisis when age creeps up on them, and why do we so often forget that it can also affect women?

Mid-life identity crisis

The fifty year old hasn’t lost his charm, but his other half may have stopped letting him know. Tired of dealing with all her familial responsibilities and professional commitments, she is also quick to criticise: as a result, relations can sour a little. Is this a mid-life crisis in the making?

At this delicate time, when men are looking back on their youth with nostalgia and regret that they are no longer “cool”, a “dream girl” appears on the scene. While in this mood of feeling down and dissatisfied with their wives, and their children’s teenage criticisms come crashing down like an axe, a young woman finds him fascinating!

With women, it is their own bodies rather than their other halves which can will push them into the arms of younger men. Wrinkles appearing make women scared that they are no longer desirable, especially when the media is so full of scantily clad woman – all younger than 25. Being attracted to a younger man is often all about needing reassurance, and knowing that it is still possible to be desired.

While the attraction of a new “conquest” sets in, the victim of a midlife crisis casts a disenchanted eye over the restricted life he or she leads. Juggling hours and lies, they’ll see the young mistress or secret lover, phoning from home when no one is looking... Life is suddenly full of risks and unexpected excitement! This can give a feeling of euphoria – life is back! In some cases, they are even ready to leave everything behind and start again. It’s as if they’ve got their youth back again!

New true love or mid-life illusion?

It can happen that a man or a woman, whatever the age difference, can genuinely fall in love with their younger lover, and this can be reciprocated. But, in this case, the clandestine nature of their relationship won’t give them any real pleasure and the situation will be quickly clarified.

More often, however, it is their narcissism which is flattered... Men, in proving their virility, make a kind of peace with themselves. Women, reassured that they are still feminine and desirable accept that that their bodies are changing. They’re not in love with anyone in particular, but youth itself puts the young lover on a pedestal. Whether the mid-life crisis is male or female, this capacity to seduce once again brings pleasure back into life.

Unfortunately as soon as the initial thrill of seduction is over, the liaison is often rather disappointing: the rhythm of the young lover’s life doesn’t fit at all. Amongst the young conquest’s friends, the victim of a mid-life crisis will feel “old”, and won’t value the same things as younger generations.

Often, they’ll miss the emotional comfort of their previous relationship. And who knows, they may tell their ex about this disappointment, and might rediscover they had more in common than they care to admit....

Marianne Chouchan

Posted 24.01.2012

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See more in the dossier: Infidelity