HIS sexuality explained to HER
There’s no doubt that she remains a mystery for him, but it would seem that he is equally mysterious to her… at least between the sheets. HIS sexuality seems to need a little explaining to HER!
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Sexual mores and norms are shifting rapidly, but certain clichés cling on. While sexual squabbles between men and women are slowly disappearing – drowned in the sea of available information on the subject – certain masculine mysteries persist nonetheless. And with these, come misunderstandings. So to make sure you are both on the same page, a bit of clarification is probably a good thing.
Belgian sexologist Iv Psalti has dug out few of the most persistent clichés regarding male sexuality, and helps decipher some of the specificities of male sexuality.
Love in the full light of day
HIS thing: He just loves having a romp with all the lights on, or in the glaring light of the day, we all know that! She is often not so keen… and prefers softer lighting, or even total obscurity.
What it means: "The male is essentially a voyeur and his initial sexual excitement is closely linked to sight, more so than to touch,” explains Iv Psalti. His obsession with getting and keeping a great erection requires heightened erotic stimulation, which he’ll get from seeing his partner’s nude body. The problem? “A woman’s complexes about her body nibble away at her pleasure, while her body is actually the ultimate turn-on for him,” says the specialist. And so here we have a point of desaccord.
What SHE should keep in mind: Ladies, your man doesn't look at you as you look at yourself in the mirror, with your self-criticism, kilos and pounds in your eyes and a calorie counter in your heart. He concentrates on what turns him on – your bum and your boobs! A word of advice: Allow yourself to you be admired and desired – as he sees you. It can be a real boost on the path to your sexual satisfaction too.
Love with eyes closed shut
HIS thing: Right at the height of the action, he will close his eyes or nestle into your neck. And you were trying to look deep into his eyes and get into complete union with him.
What it means: "The man will often focus in onto his sense of touch during sex and therein lies his need put his sight on standby,” says Psalti. A man will often close his eyes to concentrate on the sensations he’s feeling. He may also be closing his eyes to enter into the realm of fantasy. Behind his closed eyes, other perspectives open out: he may look into the past and pick out a highly erotic memory, such as making love wildly on the beach in summer. Or he may invent a whole new fantasy. “Many men fantasise about two women making love, one of them, his own partner,” says Psalti. Unfortunately, many women see his fantasies as a betrayal or a sign that she is not enough to satisfy him.
What SHE should keep in mind: Ladies, you are dying to ask him what he’s thinking about during sex or call him back to looking at you. Don’t!! On the one hand each of you has their secret inner garden, which should be respected; he's not imposing his fantasies on you. On the other hand, if he does want to share his fantasies, it would be better when the heat of the moment has died down. And if he shares these fantasies, no need to get offended or make him feel guilty, just try to accept his fantasies as a fun part of your sexuality; that you don’t necessarily have to put into practice.
Love and going it alone
HIS thing: Men often hide to masturbate and sometimes masturbate while surfing online porn. Women have a real problem with this and can quickly make accusations of cheating, perversion, or of their man not being satisfied with them.
What it means: Masturbation in itself is not a bad thing and is an extra to normal sexuality, along with sexual fantasies. As mentioned above, most men need some kind of visual support, from where springs the success of Internet and its providential supply of porn. Totally concentrated on himself, free of the constraints of satisfying his partner or making it last, masturbation brings him release and pleasure. Of course, this is within limits, and if masturbation or porn is replacing sexual relations with a real partner, then there is a real problem…
What SHE should keep in mind: Ladies, you are no doubt tempted to spy into his online surfing history to confirm his sins and then confront him with it: an attitude that is not going to be constructive in any way, shape or form. Better to try getting some non-accusatory discussion going about his sexual needs and why he's looking; or encourage him to share his fantasies and see if you play some of these out together.
Love, sex, feelings and affection
HIS thing: Repeated sexual demands from a man make him easy pickings to be catalogued as someone heartless and “sexually obsessed”. Which in return can result in a categorical refusal from the woman.
What it means: "A male is not just a penis," insists the sexologist Iv Psalti. A man’s need for tenderness and cuddles does exist, even if he continues to have difficult expressing his most intimate emotions. In simple terms, he unconsciously worries about losing his virility, both figuratively and literally speaking. Modern day relationship demands mean that he has to be receptive, tender... almost “soft”. Meanwhile, his sexual demands are often interpreted by women as a manifestation of sexual aggression – and therein lays his dilemma. He loves you, but he wants and needs sex.
What SHE should keep in mind: Ladies your wishes have been fulfilled. The 21st century man has well and truly changed and even while he still expresses himself through sex, he is also looking for intimacy, feelings such as love and passion and a sharing relationship. His desire to throw down an emotional bridge to his woman is real and the bridge will be built on friendship, feelings AND sex!
So ladies, cut him a bit of slack and understand that it is also up to you to let him know what he should be doing to make you happy… and that you can bend a little to keep him happy too. After all, that’s what love is all about – being happy together!
Copyright © 2011 Doctissimo
Posted 30.03.2011
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