Getting over a break-up
A break-up can throw us into a helpless and fragile state, often reopening old wounds that haven't healed up completely, and into the bargain, is a huge blow to our ego.
Jilted, we feel pathetic, and sometimes looking for excuses for the other person, we undermine our own morale by churning our own flaws over our minds or recalling the great moments of happiness in our wonderful love affair.
There is a positive side to every setback, and a break-up is no exception to the rule. It is possible for you to emerge from this ordeal a stronger person.
1. Take your mind off things
All couples are more or less self-sufficient and you had undoubtedly forgotten about certain activities, hobbies or friends while you were together. Now that you're on your own again, take advantage of your new freedom to start doing them again.
Choose things to do in a group, such as sport, going out or getting involved in the community, which will allow you not only to take your mind off things but also to meet new people and widen your circle of friends.
2. Work hard
Putting a lot of effort into your professional life will prevent you dwelling on your unhappiness, and will allow you to get some direct satisfaction (success, pay rise, praise from the boss, new responsibilities...), which will help lift your spirits and make you feel more self-confident. On condition of course that these "longer" working hours don't last all your life!
3. Make a few conquests... but not long-term ones
There's nothing better for your morale than when someone finds you attractive again, especially when you thought you'd never find a suitable man/woman! So, if your heart tells you to, don't be afraid to meet new partners. On one condition: don't look for a long-lasting relationship at any price.
"Quite the opposite, a new relationship must be kept short, because it's only there to fill an emotional gap and put a plaster on the wound," explains a psychologist. A new love affair can only happen for real when you have genuinely finished grieving for your relationship. So be patient!
4. Accept that it's going to be hard
A drop in a woman's sexual desire often accompanies the pain caused by the break-up, and in men it revives a lack of sexual confidence. As a result, it's a period in the lives of both when sexual disorders can easily occur, which is perfectly normal when you've been making love with the same person over several years!
If you experience difficulties having sex with a new partner, don't get upset, as it's normal to need a period of adjustment. If things are still not happening a little later on, talk to a sexual therapist or, if you're a woman, to your gynaecologist.
5. Adopt the right attitude towards your ex-partner
If you and your ex have children, you're going to have to sign a peace treaty and maintain a relationship with the other parent, which if not exactly cordial, is at least polite.If no children are involved, then you could of course sever all ties.
Or perhaps you want to stay friends? That's okay, if both of you have really accepted that your love affair has finished, which isn't easy for both sides! It's sometimes better not to see each other again until the wound has healed.
6. Don't be afraid to seek help
If you can't seem to get over your break-up, and you're crying day and night and sinking into depression, don't be afraid to seek advice from a psychotherapist or counsellor.
They are used to seeing people who come in simply because they're going through a rough time and need to talk and be listened to. A few sessions of talking about it could well help you get back on your feet again.
Copyright © 2009 Doctissimo
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